You Win Some, You Lose Some: Nobody's Perfect

Today I lost a game of Freecell. 

I have never lost (on this computer) before because there's always the opportunity to undo every move made throughout the game, to go back to the beginning and start over. That was fully my intention in the game I lost except there was a power surge that restarted my computer. The possibility of undoing my moves to more perfectly play the game and WIN was lost. There was nothing I could do. I could not undo the power surge. Now I can't change my statistics. I am up to over 400 games and have not lost anymore, but no matter what my stats say I have only won 99 percent of my games (on this computer).  I will never be at 100 percent. I did not lose a game - in my mind I just didn't get the chance to get a do-over.  I did not forfeit my opportunity to go back and replay the game. A power not in my hands, not in my control, skewed my score. Every time I play, every game I win I am going to see the results at the end of it that say I have only won 99 percent of my games. Even when I get another computer or if I reset the results of the game, I know I lost a game. Even more when I look back to the very first games I played on a dinosaur computer from long ago.

That's life. 

You do not get to undo your actions, take back your words, and sometimes it is not the result of your actions that cause you to be rated less than you think you deserve but only what can be seen after the result of another action: that power out of your control that sum up the judgments people make about you. You know the truth - you know there are usually as many truths as parties involved plus the real truth. In the truth of this matter and IN REALITY THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH. No matter how you look at things there is only one. I can look at it as "it is not my fault there was a power surge that kept me from going back and playing a better game," but THAT IS LIFE. We are not in control of nature nor in control of the nature of anyone or anything that might interfere with the results that we are trying to achieve. We are not in control of the hand or the people we are dealt, we just have to play along knowing a wrong move can mess those results and there is nothing that we can do to change it - we can only keep playing. The only truth is that I did not and often do not play a perfect game - I usually just have the opportunity to erase my bad moves and in the end no one other than me and Jehovah God are any the wiser. We can pretend that the bad moves we make in life that are not seen by others or not mentioned by us don't exist, but they do. Even if we deny them it doesn't make them go away. We can be better because of them if we only admit them to ourselves and become wiser from them. When we hide those moves or do not face them we are doomed to repeat them and eventually our imperfections are exposed. There is always that power that is greater that knows. Even if you don't believe in THAT POWER it exists in you because we all were created from that power. It may be dormant  or dead in us but it is there. 

The good thing is we have choices and on what we focus is what expands. We can focus on the mistake or we can focus on our wins and future moves. We can expect that sometimes things happen out of our control and be better prepared to deal with them because we know they happen. It doesn't make you negative to expect the possibility of the unexpected and to be prepared for it. It makes you wise. It only makes you negative if you lie or never try. It makes you negative if you approach the game waiting for the unexpected or thinking you are going to be defeated. 

We are all winners! ...and sometimes we are losers. Nobody is perfect, just play the game to win and don't dwell on when you lose. Play as if you know you will win. Love like you have never been hurt.  Dance like no one is watching. 

Never give up! Celebrate your wins! Learn from from your losses. THAT POWER is always working in your favor for good.

Living In The Moment

June 21, 2014

Once upon a time I wore my clothes too tight and it seems because of that, I didn't get fat.

But then, my mom gave me guilt. She said I needed to slow down, that I was having too much fun.
She said I was unstable and a mother too young.

So I listened to her. Every time I thought became a time that I ate.
I stopped going out. I put on a lot of weight.

I wanted to please her but did things I shouldn't have been doing.
I became destructive and went after people and things I shouldn't have been pursuing.

Instead of my passions I was trying to reach others' goals.
I didn't know who I was anymore. I lost my soul.

I became so lost I couldn't find my way out.
I realized I wasn't me, and I was so filled with doubt.

I went to my God who I know as My Maker.
Through all my rebellion I hadn't been forsaken.

I studied the Word which lead me back to my craft.
I began to put things together by forgetting my past.

Sometimes I get caught up in future plans.
When I catch myself I try to stop, turn on music and dance.
I try to remember that all I can do is live for today.
It's a gift called the present. Enjoying the moment is the only way.

Check out what I'm doing these days: Angel's All Natureal Beauty

Change: The Only Constant

I have promised myself to try to be more consistent. WHY? I have no idea. In a way differently than stated, the more things change, the more things stay the same. Things are and always have changed on a regular basis for me: jobs, residences, boyfriends. Being consistently inconsistent has to count for something. Variety is the spice of life. Flexibility, versatility, at least the list doesn't include immobility. Sometimes we have to be still. "Be still and know that I am God," is what the good book tells us, but that's about the only time being still works. Otherwise, don't criticize the person that seems 'crazy' to you because they're always doing, trying, or going somewhere different than what or where you would. Better than seizing the day, some of us are seizing the moment and will have rich experiences in which to bask and to share.

Check out what I'm doing now: Angel's All Natureal Beauty offers organic lip balms, scented body butters, body oils, and soy candles. Treat yourself to a soul satisfying purchase at AngelsAllNaturalBeauty.com 

I AM WORTHY, O' ME OF LITTLE FAITH

God's grace is sufficient, even when our faith wanes. Actually, it was just in a message how God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. Being humble is a beautiful and admirable trait, but I'm finding there's a fine or even a blurred line between humility and the feeling of unworthiness for some. I am one of that sum. I call myself humble but sometimes I undervalue myself and I'll excuse it as humility. I know better, so I'm doing better. Building my own business from the grass roots is making me feel and know my worth. 

I've always known what an asset I could be to someone else and their business. That quality should have always been applied to any and everything I do and have done for myself. I have learned some things about myself and I am owning them so that I can also discard them. 

I have commitment-phobia. I just had this light bulb turned on to the brightest setting while setting up my own business. I already knew it in the area of relationships, but I would never look myself in the mirror and admit it, nor would I say it aloud. Now, I'm admitting it to the whole world wide inter-web. Awkward. I have indirectly made choices to which I knew I couldn't commit long-term so that I'm not surprised, but relieved when things end. I also would never start a business for myself since my go at being a licensed manicurist and nail technician. How that worked out was enough to make me want to work for someone else and just get a regular check. That is even irregular, these days. I don't like to start anything I can't finish. (Control tendencies play out here, also.) I used to have trouble letting go when something didn't work because I wanted to make it work. Which brings me to my lack of faith. I obviously lack the faith that things will always work out how they are supposed. This is spelled out by some of my obvious (past) bad choices.

With prayer and meditation, I have come to the point at which I am now: fully committed to building my own business (even though it could allow me to hide from committing to a person if I'm not careful.) I'm also full of faith that this is going to work out just as I need it to do: it could grow into something huge, or it could just sustain me well enough to live and pursue another passion. All the work that I am putting into my own endeavor is showing me why I never wanted to go into business alone, yet I am. So now, that brings me to the biggest problem which is a horrible insult to our Creator: I NEED TO KNOW MY WORTH! I find myself setting low, affordable prices for my product and wanting to give the people I love the most free product or discounts when the fact of the matter is people I know can afford and do pay for what they really want if it's important to them. Once I started encountering the costs for shipping supplies and costs, and fees for processing orders and payments, I realize that I need to charge more because I'm already creating the highest quality product that I can. I'm a benevolent and charitable person so I have to extend some of that benevolence and charity to myself. Before I made a sale I was thinking about donations and if someone supports me to let me set up shop at their charitable event, I make sure to share the profits just as if I would have to pay rental fees for space to set up shop anywhere. I deserve to get what I deserve, I mustn't allow my humility to be my humiliation. I am valuing myself more, I am valuing my creativity and hard work, more. I'm in my own field of dreams, I'm building it, and I know they will come and pay full price. I hope you will, too.

Love, peace and blessings,

Jess an Angel