You Win Some, You Lose Some: Nobody's Perfect

Today I lost a game of Freecell. 

I have never lost (on this computer) before because there's always the opportunity to undo every move made throughout the game, to go back to the beginning and start over. That was fully my intention in the game I lost except there was a power surge that restarted my computer. The possibility of undoing my moves to more perfectly play the game and WIN was lost. There was nothing I could do. I could not undo the power surge. Now I can't change my statistics. I am up to over 400 games and have not lost anymore, but no matter what my stats say I have only won 99 percent of my games (on this computer).  I will never be at 100 percent. I did not lose a game - in my mind I just didn't get the chance to get a do-over.  I did not forfeit my opportunity to go back and replay the game. A power not in my hands, not in my control, skewed my score. Every time I play, every game I win I am going to see the results at the end of it that say I have only won 99 percent of my games. Even when I get another computer or if I reset the results of the game, I know I lost a game. Even more when I look back to the very first games I played on a dinosaur computer from long ago.

That's life. 

You do not get to undo your actions, take back your words, and sometimes it is not the result of your actions that cause you to be rated less than you think you deserve but only what can be seen after the result of another action: that power out of your control that sum up the judgments people make about you. You know the truth - you know there are usually as many truths as parties involved plus the real truth. In the truth of this matter and IN REALITY THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH. No matter how you look at things there is only one. I can look at it as "it is not my fault there was a power surge that kept me from going back and playing a better game," but THAT IS LIFE. We are not in control of nature nor in control of the nature of anyone or anything that might interfere with the results that we are trying to achieve. We are not in control of the hand or the people we are dealt, we just have to play along knowing a wrong move can mess those results and there is nothing that we can do to change it - we can only keep playing. The only truth is that I did not and often do not play a perfect game - I usually just have the opportunity to erase my bad moves and in the end no one other than me and Jehovah God are any the wiser. We can pretend that the bad moves we make in life that are not seen by others or not mentioned by us don't exist, but they do. Even if we deny them it doesn't make them go away. We can be better because of them if we only admit them to ourselves and become wiser from them. When we hide those moves or do not face them we are doomed to repeat them and eventually our imperfections are exposed. There is always that power that is greater that knows. Even if you don't believe in THAT POWER it exists in you because we all were created from that power. It may be dormant  or dead in us but it is there. 

The good thing is we have choices and on what we focus is what expands. We can focus on the mistake or we can focus on our wins and future moves. We can expect that sometimes things happen out of our control and be better prepared to deal with them because we know they happen. It doesn't make you negative to expect the possibility of the unexpected and to be prepared for it. It makes you wise. It only makes you negative if you lie or never try. It makes you negative if you approach the game waiting for the unexpected or thinking you are going to be defeated. 

We are all winners! ...and sometimes we are losers. Nobody is perfect, just play the game to win and don't dwell on when you lose. Play as if you know you will win. Love like you have never been hurt.  Dance like no one is watching. 

Never give up! Celebrate your wins! Learn from from your losses. THAT POWER is always working in your favor for good.

Still Dreaming, Still Awake

I'm just giddy this week...full of positive energy. I'm walking by faith, not by sight. I've come this far by faith and I don't believe God brought me this far to leave me. I could probably write an entire blog made up of gospel song lyrics and Bible scriptures.
When I was a little girl, no one could completely convince me that I wasn't destined to be a performing artist. However, no one could or would lead me in that direction to do it professionally and eventually I started thinking like a stupid, practical adult. Part of me was thinking, "nope, there's no way I'm ever going to get there." The stronger part of me, my soul, would cry and say "there's got to be a way. We can't give up." Bad circumstances and experiences weighed on me. I made bad choices which weighed on me even more...but God...and my faith - the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen... My dreams wouldn't die. There was no resting in peace knowing that there was more for me.
And now I've made contact with industry people I've secretly admired for years: names I saw in credits and remembered when I didn't even know if they'd be relevent when I arrived. My favorite soap star taught me the craft, one my favorite comedic writers and I correspond regularly on fb, and I've shaken the hand of THE casting director of all the Black shows and movies. That may be far from what countless others have done but it means the world to this girl...and I've only just begun.
Sometimes, only sometimes, this journey seems so lonely...but you, I know you're right there with me every step of the way. Thank you for joining me on my journey. I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

Does the name Swayze ring a bell? HA...I'm working side by side with Patrick's younger brother. GOD IS GOOD!