Angel's Morning Glory

"I longed to rise up, walk out my purpose and take steps towards my goals.

But the pain that gripped my heart began to penetrate my soul.

The dis-ease I felt had spread through my body, was lingering far too long.

Thankfully my joy remained intact. My Spirit and faith were strong.

Weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning -- it's true.

Am I in Alaska? How long does night last? I don't have a clue...wait, I do.

 

The night is now over! Dry your eyes! Seeing The Light is up to you."

 

~from the mind of an Angel

 

I don't even remember when I started that poem, but I know it fit with the theme that hit me early in the day: everyday that I wake up is "Angel's Morning Glory." I have to give glory to God, and I have to serve you. There's nothing I love more or that adds more joy to my day than bringing some joy and love to yours.
 
You are valuable. So much so that you are irreplaceable. Some objects can be replaced. Positions can become open and be filled, but NO ONE is ever replaced.

Follow my journey on instagram, twitter, periscope: @imjessanangel

I AM WORTHY, O' ME OF LITTLE FAITH

God's grace is sufficient, even when our faith wanes. Actually, it was just in a message how God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. Being humble is a beautiful and admirable trait, but I'm finding there's a fine or even a blurred line between humility and the feeling of unworthiness for some. I am one of that sum. I call myself humble but sometimes I undervalue myself and I'll excuse it as humility. I know better, so I'm doing better. Building my own business from the grass roots is making me feel and know my worth. 

I've always known what an asset I could be to someone else and their business. That quality should have always been applied to any and everything I do and have done for myself. I have learned some things about myself and I am owning them so that I can also discard them. 

I have commitment-phobia. I just had this light bulb turned on to the brightest setting while setting up my own business. I already knew it in the area of relationships, but I would never look myself in the mirror and admit it, nor would I say it aloud. Now, I'm admitting it to the whole world wide inter-web. Awkward. I have indirectly made choices to which I knew I couldn't commit long-term so that I'm not surprised, but relieved when things end. I also would never start a business for myself since my go at being a licensed manicurist and nail technician. How that worked out was enough to make me want to work for someone else and just get a regular check. That is even irregular, these days. I don't like to start anything I can't finish. (Control tendencies play out here, also.) I used to have trouble letting go when something didn't work because I wanted to make it work. Which brings me to my lack of faith. I obviously lack the faith that things will always work out how they are supposed. This is spelled out by some of my obvious (past) bad choices.

With prayer and meditation, I have come to the point at which I am now: fully committed to building my own business (even though it could allow me to hide from committing to a person if I'm not careful.) I'm also full of faith that this is going to work out just as I need it to do: it could grow into something huge, or it could just sustain me well enough to live and pursue another passion. All the work that I am putting into my own endeavor is showing me why I never wanted to go into business alone, yet I am. So now, that brings me to the biggest problem which is a horrible insult to our Creator: I NEED TO KNOW MY WORTH! I find myself setting low, affordable prices for my product and wanting to give the people I love the most free product or discounts when the fact of the matter is people I know can afford and do pay for what they really want if it's important to them. Once I started encountering the costs for shipping supplies and costs, and fees for processing orders and payments, I realize that I need to charge more because I'm already creating the highest quality product that I can. I'm a benevolent and charitable person so I have to extend some of that benevolence and charity to myself. Before I made a sale I was thinking about donations and if someone supports me to let me set up shop at their charitable event, I make sure to share the profits just as if I would have to pay rental fees for space to set up shop anywhere. I deserve to get what I deserve, I mustn't allow my humility to be my humiliation. I am valuing myself more, I am valuing my creativity and hard work, more. I'm in my own field of dreams, I'm building it, and I know they will come and pay full price. I hope you will, too.

Love, peace and blessings,

Jess an Angel

MIRROR, MIRROR

When I look in the mirror I like what I see
I'm becoming more fond of who's looking at me
There's inner conflict but no push and no shove
I'm resolving my uncertainty with self-love
With God as my strength and healthy self-esteem
I'm becoming quite the powerful one-woman team
Always moving forward towards my goals
That stuff from the past doesn't nourish my soul

Don't want to send the wrong message or use the wrong tone
I don't believe I'm meant to do this alone
I'm patient with me and with getting a man
One thing I've learned: YOU CAN'T RUSH GOD'S PLAN
 I fully trust in God choosing my fate
I have faith that God knows for who I'll be a great mate
When I look in the mirror I love what I see
I'm becoming exactly what God planned for me to be.

Mustard Seed Faith Makes Dreams Come True

Obviously it was my destiny, but I had to claim it. 

I've been living in Southern California for over eight years now. Nine years ago about this time I had just visited LosAngeles, California for the first time ever. I felt so at home and literally dreamed I could live here one day. 

Guess what? Dreams come true. The dream became a real plan in only eight months. I dreamed of life surrounded by palm trees and a short drive from the beach a lot of my life, but it was only a dream. I dreamed of being an entertainer on stage in front of large crowds and on television. Now, I've done that, too. It doesn't matter that you don't know me or haven't seen me. It doesn't matter that I don't have a whopping amount of cash in the bank, drive a fancy car or live in a big home. That's not how I measure success and I'm still in the race. I am sustained. I don't have a car note. I am not homeless. I have promise. I have talent. I have an agent. I have faith. I have God! I'm not promised tomorrow so I'm making my proclamation today. I'm going to live it like it's my last - not by partying, having fun, or telling someone off who's wronged me - by giving my dreams what I've got, acknowledging that I'm living them and giving God the rest. I'm letting love and praise fill my heart, and positivity fill my mind.

I'm sorry this is so short, but my dreams await me.

Still Dreaming, Still Awake

I'm just giddy this week...full of positive energy. I'm walking by faith, not by sight. I've come this far by faith and I don't believe God brought me this far to leave me. I could probably write an entire blog made up of gospel song lyrics and Bible scriptures.
When I was a little girl, no one could completely convince me that I wasn't destined to be a performing artist. However, no one could or would lead me in that direction to do it professionally and eventually I started thinking like a stupid, practical adult. Part of me was thinking, "nope, there's no way I'm ever going to get there." The stronger part of me, my soul, would cry and say "there's got to be a way. We can't give up." Bad circumstances and experiences weighed on me. I made bad choices which weighed on me even more...but God...and my faith - the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen... My dreams wouldn't die. There was no resting in peace knowing that there was more for me.
And now I've made contact with industry people I've secretly admired for years: names I saw in credits and remembered when I didn't even know if they'd be relevent when I arrived. My favorite soap star taught me the craft, one my favorite comedic writers and I correspond regularly on fb, and I've shaken the hand of THE casting director of all the Black shows and movies. That may be far from what countless others have done but it means the world to this girl...and I've only just begun.
Sometimes, only sometimes, this journey seems so lonely...but you, I know you're right there with me every step of the way. Thank you for joining me on my journey. I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

Does the name Swayze ring a bell? HA...I'm working side by side with Patrick's younger brother. GOD IS GOOD!

Still A New Year To Me

I can't believe it's already near the end of April. All of the first quarter reports have been submitted & figured into the year's projections, & compared to last year's reports. Successess are not necessarily based on gains or losses, but what goals were set and if they were met. Goals are necessary in business & life planning.

We can agree that predictions are a lot more difficult to make in life, but we are aware of the quote "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." In my life that never would have worked. I prefer the Benjamin Franklin quote, "By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” When you know what you want out of life, you may not be able to plan the happenstance chances that can bring your desires to fruition, but you can put forth time & effort into doing things that will enhance you, or better prepare to go for a goal. For example, I'm an actress. I can plan to audition & get a part every day or every week, but showing up & feeling I deserve a part just because I'm there doesn't get me cast. Studying acting & training in my craft is what will increase my skill & ultimately prepare me to land a role.

With this in mind, my plans for the last few years have been to "get out there" & start auditioning...get on some TV shows & movies, even if I have to be background...an extra. I thank God sits high & looks low, and has plans for me that are greater than my own & that my faith does not allow me to shortchange myself. School, parenting, transportation, & other sorts of things I didn't have as much control over have interfered w/MY plans & I'm glad they have...BUT GOD...the closer I get to the MOST HIGH, SUPREME, CREATOR OF ALL THINGS ON EARTH, ABOVE & BELOW, my plans are more in line with what was planned for my life before I was born into this life. More substantially, I've always wanted to act &, I wouldn't have admitted it a few years ago but, also sing in a production, live or recorded. Last year while enrolled in my second Advanced Acting class studying Classical Theatre I was asked what I was doing this Spring. Seriously, in Spring 2011 I was asked what I was doing Spring 2012. Really? Really professor??? Well MY first response was "I know I'm going to be the hell away from here." But something quickly arose in my mind: I want to be acting! My plan, again, was to be auditioning & submitting for TV or movie roles...and serving in ministry with my gift. I asked a statement with an unspoken but audible period of ellipsis, "...unless you have a significant role for me to play worth staying around for?" In December when I finished that last class I would take at that school towards my B.A. in Theatre Arts/Acting, I had no immediate plans but God did: I just finished my first principal role in a musical theater production of Chicago...and I can't even really sing! ...but talk about the plans & preparation. I even broke my ankle a month in & couldn't start practicing blocking until two weeks before opening night...but I worked hard in those two weeks: I prepared.
Chicago has closed, time for me to move on...& I had no plans, but God...I'm now playing another great role in a classical piece of literature turned dramatic/cinematic great. Who knows what's next. I just hope I'm prepared.

Now when I look back at last year's reports & this year's projections, I may be off target but I've got lots of gains! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME!

The Promises Continues

Philippians 1:5-6 For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now; Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

I don't remember at exactly what age I was first led to these scripture verses, but I never forgot them. It has been the substance of my faith. Promises I received in my Spirit at a very young age, and throughout life, that have ceased to die...I know these verses are the reason they stayed alive. There is something greater than me in me.
I now surrender to that something greater. It has led to connections and reconnections that I could not have made on my own, and to living the life that many told me I could and would never live.
I'm thankful that I know my life is not my own, and that I've been spared to the time, and given the grace and mercy to still be connecting the dots.

Love & blessings,
I'm Jess, an Angel

Is it any of your business?

A lot of people who say they hate people in their business, have a lot to hide. And then there are those people who should go hide, but they do something private or shameful in public, and when they get unwanted publicity they say, "respect my privacy" regarding what’s happened publicly.
It’s unfortunate but true; we must learn to graciously deal with the bad that comes with the good. Anyways...aside from the that, I want to share other blogs from the past few days:

12/21/09 So I’ve been sharing real television with my 8 yr old: “Sanford and Son”, Good Times, “The Jeffersons”…and we’re working our way towards “What’s Happening”. As I’ve done some stand-up, he’s obviously a “Martin” fan. Thanks to subscription TV he knows about “The Cosby Show”, “A Different World”, “Living Single”…but back to the old shows. Where are the writers of quality, Black television? We still make our mark in animation for the old and young, but can I get some good, uplifting, live-action, situational-comedic entertainment? Of course as I’m writing this blog I’m simultaneously thinking of episodes for my own…reality-style sitcom because it doesn’t look like anyone any longer, willingly suspends any disbelief. What happened to people wanting to get away from problems altogether, and laugh? Why have we become so excessively voyeuristic? I believe we only want more of what we’re given, so if we were given back more of less reality we’d be pleased with it.
America is so full of trend followers instead of trend setters.

12/22/09 However, there is one trend that I and my son humbly follow. It is Christmas time and I’m proud to be a true believer and servant of God through now also living a life following the example of Christ Jesus: the one, true Messiah according to the Bible, God’s inspired word. Not at all being judgmental…I can’t say it’s the life I’ve always lived, but maturity and the desire for my walk to match my talk, I now match my actions to my beliefs. I don’t just live by faith, but I also live according to my faith.

MAY GOD BLESS EVERYONE, INCLUDING THOSE WHO HATE AND USE ME!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY 2010!

...now I'm going to mind my business...or somebody's. Be sure to holler at me on Facebook & Twitter...and one day I'll revisit my MySpace, too.

Believe: It's Christmas!

Dear Santa,

No...Dear God, from whom all blessings flow:

It's Christmas time and more people than I can ever recall have little to no faith in You. Out of the many that do claim to believe in and know You, so many of them refuse (by ignorance) to acknowledge that they should be living differently than they do. Many of them educated or trained in something, diligently study texts and manuals, and follow procedures to become more skilled at something for higher pay or promotion, yet they don't believe in Your inspired Word to be better at and get ahead in life.
I, too, was once of little faith, claiming, no - PROFESSING to believe in You, yet not believing enough to stand on Your promise of abundant life. Now here we are on this day in our Lord and Savior, Christ. So many of little understanding wonder how we can believe the last 2008 years are the only years of creation and fail to realize that's not the case at all. We ALL do, however, keep track of the days using this calendar, simply because these days of Christ are the times that truly matter, whether we believe in Him or not.
Thank You, God, for liberation & choice. I choose to serve YOU!
Amen