He came so that we might have life!

12/25/09
He came so that we might have life! In celebration of His birth, I’m giving Him my life again today. It is important to renew our faith often being clothed in a robe of sinful flesh.
I’d seen this familiar stranger lurking around my house in the last few weeks of the semester. School finally ended for me and J. Here we were close to Christmas, and this fool was still hanging around my house. I’m sure he knew someone who lived nearby, but he wasn’t a welcome visitor of mine so I paid him very little attention, not even speaking. I was sure I’d done such a good job of ignoring him that he wouldn’t think we had any business associating, but he had an agenda.
Sometimes things go away if you ignore them, and sometimes you just need to fully confront stuff to prevent it from becoming an issue. I was so relieved I’d finally successfully completed a semester of all the classes in which I was enrolled, and so happy to have time off, I mistook my lack of motivation and awareness for exhaustion.
He’d actually been following me. I was tired, J got sick, and then I was trapped in the house. I couldn’t go anywhere far and he caught up to me. My spidey-senses started tingling, I decided not to swim in that Egyptian river, and not wanting my baby to see his mom any more off kilter I went for a short walk on the Eve of Christmas. He got so close I had no choice but to acknowledge him. He firmly grabbed hold of me by my shoulders, not stopping me, but walking briskly with me until he made sure I knew exactly who he was. His name is Depression. Loneliness came screeching and inevitably took me down, I fought a good fight and won. Once I allowed myself to feel the pain of spending another Christmas alone, it was over in a snap. You know that feeling of being taken down by a strong tide that caught you just slightly off guard enough for you to have to actually use your strength to stay planted? Well, it was a little more overwhelming than that for just a moment. I couldn’t breathe and tears stung my eyes worse than saltwater. I almost felt helpless but right then is when I felt the hand of God and was reminded that we have to go through to get to our true blessing. I was thinking about how not only would me and my young son be alone Christmas Eve, but also all day on Christmas because of his sickness. Then I remembered the child whose birth we were celebrating; that He came so that I might have life, and this battle was His, not mine at all. Next Spring we celebrate why we all have Victory: because he overcame death and everything that is a symptom of it.
So after watching everything J has wanted to watch on DVD and VHS TWICE, I’m still focused on the real reason for the season and no matter my circumstances, it is a very Merry Christmas!
He’s in the other room playing the Wii I couldn’t afford for the last two years. I can afford it now because of Matthew 6:33.
Merry Christmas